SLIPPING, FALLEN, CAN'T GET UP....................

Hello to you all, and thanks (again) for taking time out of your day to check out my blog. I REALLY appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. I write to you today with a very heavy heart. You see, I lost a very close and dear friend of mine. This didn't happen recently. It actually happened around late 2005 through early 2006. I'm just now REALIZING that this dude is gone, the truest, most down, real to the heart, dude that walked this earth, and it took me all of this time to realize that he was nowhere to be found anymore. I mean, when you looked in the dictionary for the definition of "ON POINT ON ALL FRONTS", you saw this guys' photo. Yet, it took a real self assessment before I realized that this guy was gone, and that I was missing him so very much.

Let me digress for a minute, please. I'm at a very dark place right now in so many areas of my life: my spirituality, marriage, finances, relationship with my children, relationship with my other family members, et. al, are all either out of whack or bankrupt and empty. This is because I allowed or watch it all happened with an attitude of disdain, contempt, or disregard. At the time, I was good with what was happening. I didn't think anything was wrong with what was occurring. With my spirituality, I knew that if I dropped down on my knees and prayed about it, the LORD would cover me. It didn't matter that I wasn't trying to have conversations with him on a daily basis. I called on him when I NEEDED him and he ALWAYS answered, so I had that covered. HE asked that I talk to him EVERYDAY, but I chose to speak with him on the 8th day of the week. You know, NeedDay (the days when I needed something). I am married to SUPERWOMAN, and I'm not being facetious when I say this. She has me covered on ALL fronts, and her ONLY expectation of me is for me to, as she says, "love her and make her feel special". So, what do I do? Just the opposite, to the point where I shut her out because I felt like she was doing the same to me. Because of poor business decisions made by family members now deceased, I'm faced with paying back loans that I co-signed for them. With this comes threats of garnishment, negative credit information, etc. My relationship with my children (particularly my sons) is not where I need it to be. I can't get them involved in other extra-curricular activities that would benefit them socially and academically. After 2009, I basically turned my back on certain members of my family. Now, some of those deserved this treatment and still do, but others certainly did not. But in my mind, because of some past behavior on their behalf towards other members in my family, I justified disavowing them like I have. Going back to my sons, because my heart is so filled with anger and disdain towards their mother, I leave no room for she and I to be cordial so we can truly co-parent the boys. Despite this, when people see me on the day to day, they have no idea of what is going on with me unless they are one of the very few I've made privy to my story.

So, now you see why it is so important that I find my friend. None of these things would have happened to him because he made sure he covered any and every possibility. He never took chances that he wasn't ALMOST absolutely sure about, and he had major plans for the future. I need to get with him because, other than JESUS CHRIST on the spiritual level, he is the ONLY earthly person who can give me the assistance and support I'm going to need to get back to where I need and want to be. I just hope he'll be open to helping me out. After all, he's probably so very disappointed in how I've been living as of late, and righteously so.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I know by now you are trying to figure out who this guy is, or if he even exists. Well, trust me. He does exist. And he truly appreciates the opportunity to share his experiences with well-wishers and good people like you all. You see...........................................
despite all these things that have transpired and that I've messed up, STILL I RISE and will continue to because GOD loves me and it's my manifest destiny. Just so you know......................


That guy is me...........................................................................